2017 was a whirlwind on my end! It was filled with so many great moments, and so many challenges. With every challenge you face, you become stronger and wiser (well, I’d like to think so at least). I am looking into 2018 with a new set of eyes, goals, and excitement!
It’s unnatural to think bad things will happen to you, right? I always looked around at my family and friends who have had smooth, healthy pregnancies and babies (even unplanned), and I never once had a slight fear that my journey wouldn’t be as easy as theirs. Enduring pregnancy loss is extremely damaging; it’s damaging physically, emotionally, and mentally. However, there is one thing that this experience didn’t damage, but only strengthened.
At this moment, it has been a little over 5 months since my pregnancy loss. I was given a 6 month prescription to my birth control and just recently picked up my last month supply. Naturally, my mind has been filled with thoughts about trying again. What does that even mean? Where do I even start? How do I even feel about it?
I am a HUGE holiday-season fan. I love everything about Thanksgiving and Christmas: the food, the family, the movies, the decor, the shopping, and just the spirit! It’s always the happiest 2 months of the year for me. This year, however, has been a little different…a little off.
I can’t possibly be the only person who has an obsession with throw blankets, right? I mean, I can’t feel relaxed and cozy while sitting on the couch without a throw blanket, especially during the fall and winter months here in Illinois. It’s just not natural. Maybe it’s a “midwest suburban” thing? I don’t know, but I love it and I will continue to embrace this obsession-as will my dog! Who’s with me?!
Have you ever felt like you have a target or a “kick me” sign attached to you? I’ve never felt more different or targeted in my life than after having been through a pregnancy loss. You don’t have to tell me that I’m similar to so many other women; you don’t have to tell me that I’m NOT being targeted, because I know this. I am in my head- those thoughts drive my true feelings and the only thing I can do is feel my own feelings, you know? In order for me to “help” the situation, I just have to go through the motions and deal with it as it comes. That’s my exact problem, though, dealing with it when it comes.
As I began my road to recovery, my doorbell was ringing nonstop. In between my frequent meals and naps, there were flowers, care packages, visitors, and food deliveries. I was overwhelmed with how much love and support I was getting from my friends and family.
Nashville is filled with delicious southern eats, shopping, entertainment, and tourist attractions. I am more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants girl when I am on vacation. I like to see where the day takes me and just roll with the punches. I was ready to do Nashville…but where to start?
“So, when are you planning on having kids?”
As a newlywed, you nearly become numb to this question. It’s totally normal. People are excited that you are now married and expect you to be just as excited as them to move to the next step-making babies! The question comes from such a great, excited, loving place from people. Trust me, I am even MORE excited to make babies of my own than the person asking me, but it’s just not that easy for some and this question can be tough to hear when you’re facing TTC struggles or pregnancy loss. I must say, I’d rather get this question twenty times each day than to hear other comments about TTC.
So I have done a lot of thinking as to why pregnancy loss is something that is so hidden away in the darkness. One (of many conclusions) I have created is that because it’s such a delicate, emotional experience, people have a difficult time responding supportively to it. When you believe deep inside that nothing you can do or say can make a situation better, there is a HUGE chance that something awkward, inappropriate, or unrelated will naturally come out of your mouth.