by AngieTTC Journey | - December 27, 2017

Pregnancy Loss & Marriage

It’s unnatural to think bad things will happen to you, right? I always looked around at my family and friends who have had smooth, healthy pregnancies and babies (even unplanned), and I never once had a slight fear that my journey wouldn’t be as easy as theirs. Enduring pregnancy loss is extremely damaging; it’s damaging physically, emotionally, and mentally. However, there is one thing that this experience didn’t damage, but only strengthened.

My marriage.

My husband (Kyle) and I, built our relationship based on the idea that we have to look at ourselves as a team, always. This idea of being a team has gotten us through some unique experiences and it was even included in our individual vows. We truly believe that God put this [pregnancy loss] challenge on our path because He knew we could endure it together. He knew our relationship was strong enough to survive it. More importantly, WE knew we were strong enough to make it through.

Now, I am not going to sit here and try to convince you that it was easy for us. Not even for a second. Thinking back to it all: every pregnancy test, fertility testing, and our pregnancy loss, there were so many “failed” moments that we had to face as newlyweds. I can remember the physical and emotional pain as well as disappointment that both of us faced. There was so much anger, sadness, and frustration. My hormones were all over the place and I know I took it out on him. I know I was moody and selfish and just unreasonable in certain moments. His emotions were running high as well; I mean, this was the first time he ever had to truly grieve. Occasionally, there was high tension and friction, we are not perfect.

At the end of every difficult day, we would lie in bed and he would tell me that everything was going to be alright and that we had time. He would promise me that I wasn’t causing disappointment and that he loved me more and more each day. He reassured me every single night. I tried to do the same, because it was really how I felt. I was so thankful to have him by my side through all of this.

We learned to lean on each other through all of life’s challenges. Without these experiences, I’m not sure we would be in that position today. We learned to trust in each other more so than before. We learned that God gives us these challenges because we can defeat them together. We learned that we are perfectly happy in our lives with each other and having a baby would just be an added bonus for us! Life through our eyes has changed and has made us stronger individuals as well as a stronger couple.

Kyle is my rock. I know this now more than ever. I married him because he completes me in every way possible. He makes me open up and lean on him when all I want to do is pretend to be strong. He sees the positive in all of life’s challenges, which challenges me to do the same. He truly is the cheese to my macaroni. Life with him is my kind of perfect. Knowing that we can conquer the world, hand-in-hand, is one amazing feeling. We are gearing up for more excitement and life lessons in our future, together.

The biggest piece of advice I can give someone going through this with their significant other is to just lean on each other every step of the way, literally and figuratively. Grow together. Be a team. This loss and struggle is completely out of your hands, but when you know you have the support of one another, it gives you the strength to keep going. Encourage each other. Love each other. Cherish every moment you have. Continue to be your version of “us” through it all. I promise it will take you far.