FINALLY! Here I sit, on my couch, in complete and utter silence. Kinsley is peacefully asleep in her bed and I already miss her. Motherhood is such a weird thing. But yes, it has taken us nearly 4 months to get to this point in parenting and get Kinsley to this point in her life where she isn’t awake, screaming, until midnight to only wake an hour or so later to nurse. I kid you not, these past 4 months have been quite an adventure.
My husband and I have been in straight-up survival mode over here (until just recently). On the rare occasion that I got some downtime, I tried to relax in a bubble bath while I zoned out with my fave podcast, or even just scrolled the Gram and detached from reality. I needed a reset button, to be honest. With that being said, my blog has taken a backseat, but I am ready to get back to it!
Kinsley is the sweetest, most perfect girl in the world, but she struggles with colic. If you’ve never experienced a baby with colic, consider yourself blessed with healthy eardrums. She is so worth the damage to my eardrums, but there’s definitely some damage done, haha!
So, what is colic exactly? Colic is a behavior. It’s typically defined when a baby cries for no typical reason (ie: hungry, tired, dirty diaper…etc) for at least 3 hours, 3 days a week, for 3 weeks straight. Now, I would take that “rule of 3’s” any day over what we had been going through over here. Kinsley’s colic began with 6 hours of inconsolable crying stretches on a daily basis at 3 ½ weeks old. Yes, I cried with her…nearly every day. And let me also mention, it’s not just crying, it’s a legitimate scream-cry that sounds painful and all you want to do is figure out how to stop it.
With that said, we have survived 4 whole months locked inside our home with a colic baby. I can’t stress enough how sweet she is, though, I promise! Between the cry/scream fits, she has the most contagious smile and giggle and is super cuddly and loving. Because of her sweet personality in combination with not being able to console her, I had been struggling with some severe guilt, anxiety, and possibly depression. Not only is motherhood and maternity leave already isolating as it is, but add in colic and you have to isolate yourself from the outside world because you really can’t do anything or go anywhere. So many people have asked me “what does she like?” or “what works?” when she cries. And really, I don’t have a good answer. It all depends on the day, the time, the moment, the situation…etc. Our days consisted of a lot of distractions with toys, music, dancing, bouncing on a yoga ball, singing, walking, constant movement, and somewhat of a predictable routine.
I recently read a blog post about having a colic baby that really spoke to me. Basically, I can continue to try to fix my baby, or I can just come to terms with it and accept it. I decided I need to find acceptance within the situation. No, I will not have that normal, relaxing maternity leave that most mommas get where they get to watch Netflix, meet up with friends for coffee or lunch, and even do daytime shopping while pushing Kinsley in a stroller. Nope. Not happening. But that’s okay. We have our thing and at the end of the day, my love for her only grows, and I’m pretty sure that’s normal, right? “Normal” doesn’t happen often around here (if you’ve been following my journey, you’ve probably caught on to that by now), but that’s okay.
My plan from here on out is to embrace every positive moment and look forward to telling Kinsley stories from all these crazy days. She will always be my perfect little girl.
I write most of this in past tense because the past 2 weeks we have seen a HUGE improvement and did some sleep training. We are moving forward with lots of positivity, happiness, and of course, a whole lot of love. Our sweet girl is not colic-free as of yet, but is improving each and every day. We couldn’t be more proud of how resilient and adaptable she has proven to be. Parenthood sure is a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
