If you’re anything like me, you’re pretty active on social media. I do the scrolling, liking/loving, and connecting with familiar faces mainly via Facebook and Instagram. That definitely comes with its drawbacks of comparison, assumptions, judgements, and stereotyping (all things that could have a positive or negative perspective). I know that in my age group, which is the majority of my social media connections, everyone is getting married and growing their families. The pregnancy announcements have gotten the best of me on several occasions after my pregnancy loss.
This is another one of those things where I can’t help but feel so targeted. It’s almost like when I am having one of my moments, or one of those days where my pregnancy loss is heavy on my mind and heart, my newsfeed and IG feed are filled with pregnancy announcements. I’ve gone to lengths of throwing my phone on the floor because of it. No joke. I have cried, I have rolled my eyes, I have made judgements and assumptions, I have been completely vulnerable and human in those moments. It’s actually embarrassing (thank God for forgiveness).
My mind immediately raced to questioning and comparisons; why them and not us?
It’s not that I was unhappy for that couple who gets to celebrate their healthy pregnancy, but it’s more of how I was unhappy with myself who doesn’t get that celebration, more of that disappointed jealousy (like the jealousy you got in highschool when another cute girl would look in the same direction at your boyfriend). It was an extremely difficult internal battle. In those moments, I was genuinely happy for these social media friends of mine, especially the ones that are near and dear to my heart, even the ones that didn’t have a fertility battle to fight, honestly. It hurts a little more when I don’t know the couple personally, but that’s just because I didn’t know. I didn’t know what battles they had fought/will fight and what struggles they had been through. I didn’t know their life plan and how they are planned on getting to where they were going. I didn’t know them well enough to know what kind of parents they will be in the future (and honestly, do I even know this of myself?). Truthfully, I didn’t need to know. It’s not my business. What is my business is my reaction and how I deal with it in a healthy way.
I came to terms with this issue not too long ago when I truly thought about the meaning behind a typical pregnancy announcement; joy and excitement. This is not a personal attack or a reminder to me about my pregnancy loss and struggle with TTC. No one would do that intentionally, at least I’d like to believe they wouldn’t. I get angry out of envy because I wish it was our moment. Our moment to share joy and happiness with the ones around us. But it’s not…not yet at least, and that’s okay. Our time will come and when it does, it will be special and magical and everything we ever dreamed of.
If this is something you struggle with, just know that it’s okay and totally normal. Having these feelings comes from a place inside your heart that is feeling empty and one day that emptiness will be filled. It will be filled with the most perfect, worth-the-wait joy you could ever imagine. I learned not to compare my journey to anyone else’s journey, but to just embrace my own and learn from the others around me. Be happy in your own pursuit of happiness and spread love to everyone around you. That’s how I am now able to smile about and comment on every pregnancy announcement I see 🙂