Our TWW (two week wait) is over and we have answers. It wasn’t so bad…the waiting part that is. I found so much to keep myself busy with, including some unfortunate family events. But, now there’s that lingering question that I wake up to every day…”what next?”
If you haven’t ever tried to get pregnant before, or are a man and just simply can’t argue with science, you may not know how almost anything your body does can be turned into a “symptom of pregnancy” when pregnancy is consuming your brain. Dizziness, upset stomach, cramping, excessive sleepiness, tender lady-parts, weird cravings…you get the idea. I truly tried my best this time around and think I deserve an award (okay, maybe not, but maybe just a Dairy Queen Blizzard…yes…a blizzard!). I didn’t Google anything, I didn’t take a pregnancy test, I didn’t think about my potential “pregnancy symptoms,” but I did distract myself the entire 2 weeks. The next thing I knew- it was THE day.
I woke up and went to the bathroom before work as usual. And, yup, there it was. The little dot at the end of what felt like a run-on sentence.
I had so many emotions all at once; I was angry, annoyed, frustrated, disappointed, sad, and more uncertain than I have ever been. I felt like we had it this time. We figured out my cycle and ovulation and did EVERYTHING without forgetting to cross any t’s or dot any i’s. Seriously, though- I had so much confidence that January was going to be our month.
After my uncontrollable sob-sesh on my way to work, I knew I had to pick myself up again. I had to take my own advice, find the light and put on my positive pants. It was our first month back at it and before then we had 8 failed months before getting pregnant. So, this wasn’t as bad, right? Well…it felt worse. I can’t lie. It was more disappointing this time than any other time.
Our next step is to keep trying. My hubby has been amazingly supportive, we really do make an awesome team. I am tracking my cycle data with my Ava bracelet and Kyle is planning on going back to the doctor to do fertility testing on his end again. We are focusing on living a healthier lifestyle, filling our lives with things and people we love, and supporting each other in every way possible. We are hopeful that fertility testing will give us answers one way or another and are also hopeful in this pursuit of starting a family. A positive mind will only lead to positive vibes, and that’s what we are all about right now. We will not give up on our dream.